Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
