yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
