Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
