It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
