It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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