I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
