i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
