He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize