I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
