she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
never play flip cup with pint glasses
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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