I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
