My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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