Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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