apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
