When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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