I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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