I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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