She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
