The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
