He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just high enough for therapy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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