Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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