i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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