If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
