You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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