Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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