i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
