I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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