yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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