Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
