i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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