I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
