I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
