Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
