Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why do cheetos always look like penises
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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