I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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