Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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