She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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