I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
