If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
