Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
