I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
