They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
