The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
