Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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