omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
