I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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