This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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