I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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