I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
