Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
