u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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