Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
