Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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