They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
