The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
3 2 1 whiskey
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
