So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
