i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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