i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
