how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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