I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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