I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
