is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
