my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
