dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
