First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Are we still banned from the library?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
