I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
