dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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